I know not

I know not what you say to me 

and all the lies you gave to me

 all the hopes that were meant to be 

only left broken pieces left to see 

this is the worst of you killing me

I dont know how to make it stop this pounding in my chest as my heart begins to beat rapidly im filled with so much anger that ive never expressed and now its all coming back at a rushing pace i sink down to the floor with my knees pulled in tightly my hands covering my ears as i rock back and forth humming...ive nothing to do and no one to turn to i feel utterly alone and what saddens me more is the fact that ive chosen to be this alone ive chosen to have no where to turn...in my heart is the soft whisper to turn to the father for dont they say he holds the answer to all problems? that his love is the answer and cure for everything and with his help i will no longer feel alone i will have someone to lean on and to help me through this agony? i wish to cry out for him now to prove them all right that he is real and he will help me yet no voice comes i cant even make a whispering sound i cant make any noise at all the only thing to hear is my silence...usually my silence i use as a weapon but this one time it as suddenly frightened me and it scares me to say ive lost all control of even my own thoughts...my mouth feels as though its been sown shut and my eyes glued open i wish to fight and lash out in pure hatred but instead this soft gentle calming voice in my head tells me to relax to let her help me and once again i find myself giving into the muted humming.