To Dream

To dream is only but a dream, one simply made by the mind and very different from the reality we have to face on the daily bases.

Inside my head

There was a place I went one time... It was a silent place.. It was black... And dark... And lonely too.. But I never had to speak to fill the emptiness because I could still see the people from the real world... I could still feel their touch and I could still hear their words, voices, cries... But mainly.. It was silent... I remember feeling so broken so torn all I needed was to let go I need to get away... That was the day I learned the power of silence... Tears had filled my eyes and ran down my cheek, my jaw and lips shook slightly... My body was silently sobbing.. I say silently because I, inside my mind didn't realize it... Didn't realize I was crying... Didn't realize how broken Id become... Didn't realize how lost I felt... How alone I was... Surround by millions yet so alone... So cold and sad... I needed to cry, to let it out... Because if you keep too much bottled for too long they say you'll explode... But for me.. I don't explode.. I wither... I become weak... But this place I went wasn't scary... I wasn't scared.. I only wondered why my body self was so sad when here I felt so happy... I didn't want to leave... I was really happy here... I started humming not to fill the silence but to announce how happy I was in the emptiness in the darkness... In this Black hole.. Humming... It's a reminder of my sanctuary... It's a reminder of my escape... A reminder that I have somewhere to go when I'm lost... When I'm broken... When I'm sad.. When I hurt... I can hum and remember... Awaking from the stage where I'm curled up in a ball silent, is refreshing... When I was younger I remember when I came out of the Dark and into the light of the real world I was so happy I didn't have a care in the world! I felt okay for once... 

Do you ever even wonder why I wake up in the middle of the night.

Their Love

it was like something again I couldnt even begin to explain.. Her story was one that made me want to cry but I couldnt cry... Their love though was like a story, a book, a movie. It didnt feel real, could you really love somone so much that it hurt? She did... He did...

hearts melting at a simple glance, their touch was one that could start a fire, anyone and everyone could tell there was something there, just by having them in the same room. many people said they are meant to be together so why arent they? but what no one could ever understand and probably wont be able to understand is that they really cant be together... it hurts... their kisses to each other would leave them weak, together they were weak, so much passion, so much hunger, so much crave, they would be together only to be apart, they knew the punishment of their actions yet their love was one they couldnt just say no to, after being together her eyes would glow for about a day, she would finally have the stars back in her eyes, only to have them vanish. He would lose himself all over again.

They would go weeks without talking but no matter how long they went without talking they could never stop thinking about the other person... They tried many times to just end it, to just be done with the madness they called love, they knew they couldn't be together so why did they kid themselves by getting together? Why did they break and crave one another so bad that they would need to be together? They would risk everything just for a one night of happiness? It was just so sad, to be in so much love but knowing you're not right for each other, you bring each other down, you are your lovers weakness, you are the very thing that can break the other. 

What's even worse about this story is that she was finally able to find someone who could bring her close to the happiness she felt with her destroyer, she had finally found a path she could take and live with, one where she could be happy, and loved. But him? He couldn't talk to another women without comparing them to her, he couldn't move on past her, his whole mind set was her, his drunk nights with friends he would at least mention her name once, everything he did caused her to cross his mind. It hurt him to see she found an escape, he wanted to be happy but he hated that he couldn't find the happiness that she found. 

For almost a month going strong he sought to delete her from his mind, from his heart, but once again at night before he could even think to dream of sleep there she would be awaiting him, like a ghost in the night, he'd close his eyes only to see her, he thought drinking would get her to go away but no, still every blink her face would be there, she was imprinted in his memory, she was the best, the worst, a lover, an enemy, he loved her so much that he hated her, hated her for being everything he wanted. After drinking a few he could no longer stop himself from calling her and there it would start again.... A simple hello, hi, how are you? I miss you... I miss you too... Come to me?... Now?... Yes... Okay... 

And then it would begin, the clock would strike midnight and she would leap from her bed and rush to his... To feel him, to kiss him, laughing to keep from crying, she didn't want to feel this way for him anymore! She had found someone else she wanted to give all of her heart to yet here and now she struggled unsure on how to leave this man... This man she fell in love with when they were only children... How could she fully move on? Knowing she was his destroyer just as much as he was hers, and how could she forget him knowing he couldn't forget her? How could she say goodbye while still unsure he would ever find the happiness she had? 

Their kisses burned their lips, their touch set fire across their bodies, the pain, the pleasure, they craved each other, closer and closer they needed to be... Fingers dug into the others skin soft enough not to break skin but hard enough to bruise, they needed to get closer, their breath became hard to control, heavy and fast, they didn't stop they couldn't stop, more, more, thy needed more, almost as if they were succuby from Lost Girl, they kept going feeding off of one another, draining each other, it was a cycle, feed and be fed. Everything became damp with their sweat and tears, they had tears, from bliss, so much bliss, and pain, never without the pain, still they would go and go until they couldn't go anymore, until they would fall next to each other and take a deep breath and let silence fill the room where heavy breathing used to be. 

She'd turn away from him first, closing her eyes she would wait for him to do the same, to turn away, so weak, so exhausted, once he's turn away she would turn back around and run her fingers softly against his back, in circles, in swigged, up and down, awaiting for him to fall asleep. She always planned to leave while he slept as if not to have to look at him and see the sad look in his eyes when he would look at her, but sure enough the alarm would go off and she would awake knowng she failed to leave and now she'd have to look at him... 

They would avoid eye contact the best they could speaking only if necessary, not even saying goodbye, she would leave and not even look back, if she didn't look back it helped, he'd lay in his bed and try to forget try to pretend like it never happened like she was never there, as if she had never been that close... As if she never had to go... Pretending helped, forgetting was hard nearly impossible, but pretending?... It was the closets thing to forgetting as he could get. 

Their love kept them drawn to each other but the pain is what keeps them apart... Sometimes they would wonder if they would ever get to be together without the sorrow and weakining, but something's are never meant to be, so they go years, centuries, life times, repeating their tragic love story over and over, destined to be together but fated to be apart...

STAR*