Im really not feeling too good, not feeling too well
Im at a struggling point I decided that i dont want this anymore. and yes its not too late to change my mind on this. ok i mean yes i do want this like i really really do but i dont want this when things are like they are. im really having a hard time right now because well honestly im not sure how to explain this. i love you with all my heart ive just realized that not much is changing....this is really hard. harder than i ever thought it would be.....i dont want to end us but for some freaking reason the thought of a break keeps popping up in my head and i wonder is this me thinking this or is this a thought that someone else has put into my head?

I'm not saying i want you to get me flowers or buy me things no all i want is to talk a little bit more. yes i understand we are both busy but still we can make more time than this. this is so hard when your not here i seriously feel myself fall, and it makes me realize ive depended on you for alot and wayy too much so maybe if i stop and i start to put God first...then maybe I wont have to lose you? and Maybe just maybe ill be given the gift that ive been hoping and praying for(: Maybe thats all ive needed is to stop focusing on all the things ive been focusing on and start focusing on the things that should mean more to me(:

ok here I go im going to really take a step here and try to stray clear from this sad lost hope stuff and be more up beat and positive..yeah i know ill never reach that over joyed stage at least not right off the bat but hey there's a start for everything so here i go....